Sometimes I just sit and second-guess all my decisions.
And really?
That’s just me.
School Life: The Introverted Big Doer
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I grew up as the middle of five in a middle-class Malaysian family. I was the quiet one in elementary school — the kind who’d prefer to listen than speak. But then came high school, when chess found me.
My winning district and state chess championships became my way of getting recognized without needing to say a word. Every Monday, as I’d make my way up the school stage to receive yet another medal, I gained something powerful:
You do not need to be flawless to be noticed.
Just show up….Just get the job done…
University Life: Invisible No More to Discovering My Niche
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My high school performance was passable. Somehow, they were good enough to place me in one of Malaysia’s top oil and gas universities — solely on my trial exams.
I still remember how my heart thumped when the Vice-Chancellor himself interviewed me (spoiler: I made it out alive). The campus was stunning. I fell in love at first sight.
But the real struggle started after. Everyone around me was from top notch schools.
I was just a regular girl from a regular high school, just a small fish.
But I found my trump card: coding. Suddenly, I became popular because who doesn’t want to be teammate with a cool nerdy kid. Outside the classroom, I rekindled my old friend again — chess — and became the first female to represent my university in international tournaments.
(Yes, I even got excused from classes just to compete. Dream life? Sort of.)
And whereas others carefully chose their roommates, I let the system randomly assign mine every semester. Less drama, less baggage.
New faces, new stories.
Working Life: Luck, Hustle, and a Lot of First Times
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A random roommate — IT genius — altered my life without even knowing it.
She talked about this high-profile oil and gas services company where she interned and I thought, it could be me too?
So my second year, we went to visit their headquarters. Picture this: 80+ students competing for just eight internship positions. My speech? so-so. And somehow I got picked. Maybe it was fate… Maybe it was luck.
(Or maybe it was me speaking to a recruiter naively who would later chosen me. Talk about random networking and warm intro!)
At the end of my 7-month internship, my managers guaranteed me a job after I’m officially graduate. And voila, I spent the subsequent five years working in Analytics and Automation at the same company.
Life’s Curveball: Loss, Reflection, and Reinvention
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Next, in 2021, life served up a curveball. I lost my mother.
Loss cracked open something within me.
I found myself questioning everything. I thought that was my biggest fears but I was wrong, it could only get snowballed with other crimpling things.
I forced myself out of the familiar, however scary that was.— prior to finally taking a leap into one of the biggest chemical firms globally.
So, working a full-time job, I enrolled in a Master’s degree — but not engineering.
In Visual Art Studies.
Reading 600+ pages a week? Not simple.
But learning to think differently, critically? Irreversible.
Within months, a Japanese technology giant expanding into Malaysia interviewed me — and offered me a job.
Even after I told them that I’d need one day off a week for studies.
Dreams — And Paying the Price
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Life became mad.
Full-time worker, full-time student, 3-4 hours a day commute. and eventually, my health declined.
With changes in work, I took the biggest leap of faith to date:
I quit to build something of my own.
Spoiler: I was woefully naive.
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I spent my savings, maxed out credit cards, and subsisted on tax returns.
I did everything — selling merchs, having booths in conventions and settled from A to Z, figuring out on the fly how to survive the wild startup world.
I even got my introverted self to go extrovert at conventions.
(Smiling incessantly and selling themed deskmats to strangers? Not simple, but empowering.)
I joined startup pitches, online competitions, name it.
But cold reality reared its ugly head:
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Funding is ruthless. Although there was some investor are interested, I need to do this:
-Incorporate (C-Corp or Sdn Bhd)
-Get a few more angels first
Problem is, nobody wants to be first. Classic startup catch-22.
Where I Am Now
I’m still here.
Still struggling.
Still stubbornly believing.
I know it sounds crazy.
I’ve failed countless times.
I’m in debt.
But somewhere deep down, there’s still a flicker of hope.
I just want one more chance.
I’m working hard for it.
And if the path doesn’t exist, I’ll carve a new one — even if it looks nothing like what people expect.
If you’d like to learn more about the startup I’m creating — and the late-night dreams that haunt me — you can learn more here.
Regards,
Mezzy